victim vs growth mentality: where do you stand?

*Link to podcast episode on the topic: https://anchor.fm/thatsdeep/episodes/Victim-Vs–Growth-Mindset-Where-Do-You-Stand-erjm58

Many empaths struggle with victim mentality. People struggling with victim mentality do typically see themselves as a victim. We don’t want to be there, but we do when we become consumed by our fear-based thoughts. Get ready for some tough love (in the most compassionate way). Let’s go over some key signs of having a victim mentality:

  • Poor me attitude
  • Focused on what others are doing to you
  • Difficulty taking responsibility for one’s own role in their disempowerment
  • The perception that people are always against you
  • Blaming others for not meeting our needs
  • Constantly complaining or venting about life and how you can’t do anything to change your situation

Many factors play into the reason why empaths struggle with victim mentality (ex. co-dependent relationships, past trauma, etc.), but discernment plays a huge role in whether we are operating in victim vs growth mentality as empaths.


Many of us empaths struggle with discernment. But what is discernment exactly?Discernment: The ability to judge well, distinguishing what is right/wrong for you. It’s the ability to determine the difference between what your truth is and what a lie is. When we grew up as empaths, we often found ourselves being taught to not trust our intuition by our caregivers or the adults around us.

Maybe your insights got you in trouble and it led you to seek out validation from others and to be fearful of making decisions that felt good to you and your inner knowing.


We might’ve even ended up in a codependent relationship because we can’t trust our own feelings. This big hot mess of disempowerment probably skyrocketed us into fear and a victim mindset. Then we start to think:

  • Will I ever be able to trust my gut?
  • Why can’t I have a mutually satisfying relationship that allows me to feel freedom and autonomy as an individual who is capable of making their own decisions?
  • Will I ever be able to speak my truth and stand strong in what I believe in based on my own judgement?
  • Can I actually feel the fear and accomplish things anyway?
  • Will I feel unfulfilled and disempowered forever?
  • I’ve already tried so hard and it never works

It’s crucial for empaths to validate themselves from within. You are worthy because you are. Not because of anything external you do or achieve. Not because of how proud you make your loved ones.Once you learn discernment, you’ll be able to trust in your own feelings and intuition more. And with this strong inner trust, you’ll be able to feel more empowered and you will start to trust your ability to achieve a lot more than you think you can.

In NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming), we like to use the formula for success. This refers to the idea that being at cause is greater than being in effect (results are greater than reasons). Empowerment means moving from being in effect to being at cause. If something isn’t working for you (in an area of life), it’s likely that you’re being at effect or something or something.

The responsibility is always on you (harsh truth). You have to do the work for yourself.

I’d love to invite you to join me in the Empath Empowerment Coaching Course. Join me for this 8-week, 1:1 coaching program for empaths who want to understand their gifts, overcome energetic overwhelm, release limiting beliefs, and build better boundaries in their relationships.

*For more details on how to work with me, please visit this link: https://naomicourtneycoaching.com/empowered-empath-coaching-course/


it’s not you, it’s my self-worth.

Join Naomi for an audio replay of her livestream on the topic of empaths and self-worth.

Link to podcast episode: https://anchor.fm/thatsdeep/episodes/Its-Not-You–Its-My-Self-Worth-er4i1n

Many of us empaths have commitment issues. In our relationships, career, and with time and money. It can be hard for us to commit to something just for ourselves (especially because we ALWAYS think of others first). Somewhere along the journey, we started to believe that we were not worthy of investing in and pouring life back into ourselves. The following mindset blocks that pop up in our head are:

  • I have no time to commit to myself when I’m taking care of everybody else
  • I can’t afford to spend time or money on myself because I need to make sure everybody else is covered first
  • I don’t believe I can actually get what I want (because I always get what’s left over after everybody else is served first/I just have bad luck)
  • I already feel overwhelmed
  • I need to check in with partner/husband/wife/parent/etc. before I can make decisions about committing to anyone else
  • There are many factors that come into play that create our commitment issues (ex. Difficulty trusting others, past relationship trauma, etc.)

But our self-worth plays a HUGE role!Let’s clear up some definitions around self-worth, because we see this term being used interchangeably with words like self-confidence, etc. (they’re related but different).Self-worth: A sense of one’s own value as a human being.Self-esteem: Confidence and satisfaction in oneself (how you feel about yourself overall).Self-confidence: Confidence in one’s powers and abilities.Self-love: Love of self, an appreciation of one’s own worth or virtue.Here’s how a lack of self- worth shows up in our relationships as empaths:

  • Past trauma doesn’t allow you to fully trust your partner fully + you end up unconsciously/consciously self-sabotaging yourself + the relationship
  • Over-giving, poor boundaries, saying yes too much, and taking too much on
  • Self-sacrifice until the point of energy depletion
  • Fear of conflict + people pleasing
  • Fear of speaking your truth
  • Fear of being rejected
  • Trying to fit the mold (trying to chameleon ourselves) to our partner/family/loved ones, when we are in fact wired very differently

So, if you’re an empath looking for 1:1 guidance with releasing limiting beliefs like these, then having an NLP Life coach could be a very useful tool for you to help you step back into your personal power as an empath!I’d love to invite you to join me in the Empath Empowerment Coaching Course. Join me for this 8-week, 1:1 coaching program for empaths who want to understand their gifts, overcome energetic overwhelm, release limiting beliefs, and build better boundaries in their relationships.

*For more details on how to work with me, please visit this link: https://naomicourtneycoaching.com/empowered-empath-coaching-course/


Conflict isn’t bad, it’s necessary

Join Naomi for her livestream audio replay on the topic of empaths and the fear of conflict. 

*LINK TO PODCAST EPISODE: https://anchor.fm/thatsdeep/episodes/Conflict-isnt-bad–its-necessary-eql10f

I share my story on how I used to be deathly afraid of conflict as an empath growing up + in my adulthood. I used to allow myself to be mistreated and taken advantage of (i.e., I was painfully shy, had a hard time speaking up, and let others walk all over me just so I wouldn’t upset the other person or start conflict in fear of being rejected or abandoned).

Example: As a kid, I would discuss my ideas/insights with someone and they’d repeatedly take it and pass it off as their own because I didn’t typically share/speak up (and I wouldn’t say anything or confront the person/problem, then I would feel resentful).


These lessons continue to present themselves in adulthood (it’s normal for all of us). The same lessons will repeat themselves until we’ve finally learned them). So here’s the uncomfortable part. Someone in the online coaching space started copying/duplicating my work, passing it off as their own, and trying to sell it (thanks repeated life lessons). First, I gave myself space to process my emotions (disappointment, frustration) because it showed me where my boundaries were, CLEARLY. It was hard to process, because this person actually received a session from me for the same service that they were trying to pass off as their own (I mean, down to using the exact name of my service + what it entails ya’ll). Ouch.I was really hesitant to discuss this today because I was worried about hurting this person’s feelings. And while I think people need to be held accountable, I also think cancel culture can be pretty messy and my intention is not to smother this person’s light or harm them back. I know that they can do better and create their own work (they’ve got it in themselves, they are a powerful creator). Scratching your head in confusion there? I bet you’re wondering, “Why are you fuming, Naomi?” Well, I still have compassion for her (yep, you know what I mean if you’re an empath). I know that the copying isn’t anything personal, but that it has more to do with them and what they’ve got going on. 


Like they say in the writing community, people “rob and duplicate” as a content creation strategy. But it doesn’t mean plagiarize or steal someone’s intellectual property (that’s a boundary violation for me).

The lesson: It’s important to set and maintain boundaries, even when it’s uncomfortable to be in conflict with someone. It shows both others and yourself how you expect to be treated and what you will/will not tolerate. It’s also important to speak your truth so you don’t minimize your self-worth and allow people to treat you in just any old way.

Sometimes is conflict petty and not worth bothering with when you’ve got other things to focus on? Yes. But be clear on what your boundaries are when you find yourself facing conflict.

Stronger boundaries = stronger satisfaction in the way you expect to be treated in relationships (romantic, platonic, family). These types of misconceptions are deeply rooted in self-limiting beliefs. And self-limiting beliefs live in the subconscious mind. Which is why NLP is a great tool to release them.

*For more details on how you can work with me 1:1 for private coaching, please visit this link:  https://thatsdeepco.com/empowered-empath-coaching-course/

*Link to free empath type quiz: https://naomicourtneycoaching.com/empath-quiz/


Here’s the real reason why you’re feeling resentment in your relationships.

Join Naomi in her latest podcast episode which includes a livestream replay on the topic of empaths and feeling resentment in their relationships.

*Link to podcast episode: https://anchor.fm/thatsdeep/episodes/Heres-The-Real-Reason-Why-Youre-Feeling-Resentment-In-Your-Relationships-epnu1q

So, why are empaths often people pleasers?

  • Self-image plays into people pleasing: Having poor boundaries is often associated with having low-self worth and esteem.
  • It feels uncomfortable to say “no” because we literally absorb energy as empaths and can take on the emotions of others.
  • Sometimes we believe that other people’s happiness is more important than our own.
  • Empaths have the gift of deep feeling and can be faced with emotional manipulation from boundary crossers.

Does this sound familiar at all? Don’t worry, I’ve been there too. But congratulations because being aware of these things is the first step in deciding that you want to do things differently this time.
So here’s what’s important to remember:1. It is vital to remember that you are ALWAYS worthy of an equal energy exchange.2. Know the different types of boundaries that are commonly crossed with empaths:

  • Verbal: Being yelled or screamed at, being on the receiving end of hateful or even abusive language
  • Psychological/emotional: When someone preys on your self-esteem, manipulates you, makes your feel ashamed when there’s nothing to feel guilty about, being gaslighted, or being constantly criticized.
  • Physical: When someone physically assaults you, harms your property, or inappropriately touches you.

3. Commit to your boundaries:

  • It might feel scary to keep having to experience uncomfortable situations where you have to say “no” when you’re so used to saying yes (it’ll feel foreign at first, but it needs to be built up like a muscle)
  • Lack of commitment to maintaining the boundaries you try to set will have you getting the same results

*A part of the conversation in this podcast episode briefly mentioned the topic of physical abuse. If you or a loved one is experiencing abuse, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline (Call 1.800.799.SAFE (7233))

Are you an Empath or highly-sensitive person? Have you ever felt resentment in your relationships? Are you interested in building better boundaries? I’d love to invite you to learn your Empath type!

If you haven’t taken my free Empath type quiz yet, use this link to find out your type: https://www.tryinteract.com/share/quiz/5f77e5e6d23d0a0014fc5110

Once you find out your type, you’ll also be emailed a free guided meditation that corresponds to your Empath type and what that type could benefit from.

Looking forward to hearing which type of Empath you are!

Mahalo!

Naomi International Board Certified Life + Success Coach and NLP Practitioner for Empaths https://naomicourtneycoaching.com/